i just woke up in my fucking car. again. for the ntetth time. I done even know what to feel which i guess is good, maybe by e th etime I figure it out I wont be so numb inside.
I guess whatever it wants me to do, the west coast isnt part of it, because I'm in New York right now. I was in a park. Some state park called john BOyd something, I can't remember. i cant remembe rmuch anmyore. I just know I want to get out of here. I think I hurt someone. there are scratches all over me I can only assume are from another person, and I don't want to stick around long enougho to find otu who it was, so i"m heading down the east coast, i think thats what it wants me to do. I canfeel it inside my brain, but more than that. like itemptied me out and its sitting in there waiting to take control. in my skin. I twants me to go in that direction, so i'll go
it wants me to update, so I'll update.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Sorry
Some of you have been e-mailing me wondering where
I am, so I guess it’s about time that I told you. I’m not dead, but I saw him again. I had to leave. I can’t handle this anymore.
I honestly have no idea what I’m doing or
where I’m going. I’m back to running but
it seems like there’s nowhere to run this time.
None of the friends I made before have contacted me back. I tried to go home, but my parents aren’t in
the house I grew up in, and the people that live in the house now have no idea
where they went. You should have seen
their faces, they thought I was a nut. I
didn’t even know what to sao, I justturned an dleft. I’m headed up the west coast, maybe I’ll stop
somewhere ein Washington. It depends on
when I stop seeing him, I guess.
All I know anymore is driving, and even that
is becoming scarily unfamiliar to me.
Sometimes, I’ll wake up on the side of the highway, fifty yards from my car,
or in a state I don’t remember entering, or fucking days after the last date I
remember. I try not to sleep anymore,
but sometime sit has to happen and that’s even worse, I’m always dreaming about
those same girls. I hate dreaming about those girls. I feel really bad for them, and more and more
I’m believing that they’re actually real people that are going through
something similar to what I’m going through.
I want to find them, but I don’t have full names. I really am trying, though…I really want to
help them. Maybe we can help each
other.
I’m in Keno, Oregon right now, trying to get
my shit together. I’ll try to update
more frequently for those of you who are watching.
3615152771124327361611
Monday, October 29, 2012
I keep having this recurring dream, its’ really w haven tslept in days. I ca’n’t explain what im scared of really,
it’s not really that scary when I really think about it it just se e ms like
wheneever I have one of these dreams I wake up an d abun ch of time has paseed I lost my job. I know it sounds ridiculous and my shrink
saysi that it does too but I think HE HAS Something to do with it he’s making
me sese these things for some reason< I think the girls in my dream are real
and HESI THERE doing the same thing to them but worse
att first I thought that maybe they were just something that I was seeing
an they didn’t mean anything but I found
a video on my computer with one of them in it.
HE’s been here I know it, one of my bo oksi s missinG?
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
(hopefully)My last post
It's been a while since I signed into this account... really, I'd kind of hoped that this would never be something I had to post on again, but I got some e-mails and I decided to give an update on where I am and what's going on. I decided to stay in North Dakota. Despite what brought me here, I'm actually doing really well, and I haven't seen Him since. I got a job and I'm seeing a good psychiatrist, they gave me medication that makes me feel good. Things are going great. Even the dreams have stopped. So hopefully, all of the stuff in the last post was behind me. I'd still love to talk to ANYONE 241142712202710412210272111194221011271221276222127122721111221427121627171202127 122127128271227712279122115153271642352742
Friday, August 10, 2012
I've been staring at this page for like three days, what am I doing.
So, I guess I should probably get on with making an intro post here. I'm not really sure if anyone's going to read this, and most of you probably won't think that there's any way it could be real, but I sincerely hope that some of you can come into this with an open mind. I think, if I could just change one person's life with what I'm doing here, I'll be really happy. With that being said, I'll move on to why I'm dong this, and why it's being done now.
Since I was young I've been seeing this thing. It's not really a person, actually, I don't know what it is, but it's there. Everywhere. I honestly can't remember the exact time it started, because in the beginning, I would only see it occasionally, in pictures or out of the corner of my eye. But soon it started appearing more and more frequently, more and more boldly in my life. Up until I was seventeen, probably, it wasn't really much more than a creepy nuisance. I learned to live with it, that is. I mean, half the time I just assumed I was hallucinating, so I never told anyone. Then, things changed. It got violent. At first, it was just little things. I'd wake up with these ridiculous headaches, and It would be standing over me. Unexplained wounds soon started appearing on my body, and I had this really terrible suspicion that it was bleeding me for some incredibly fucking disturbing purpose. I started getting sick, which I had this terrible feeling It was responsible for, as well. I endured for a year or more in silence, until it got so bad that I had to tell my parents. They didn't believe me, then. But soon, they started seeing It too, and soon, it started hurting them. So, one day, I got in my car and drove away. I haven't stopped driving, save for small breaks, since.
Running helped, a lot. I managed to settle down after a few years of doing so, and restarted my life. . I settled down in this place called Escondido in California and hoped that maybe the Thing, whatever it was, would just be gone. I didn't know if my parents were still looking for me or not, but I decided not to contact them. All I kept imagining was that thing coming back to hurt them, and I couldn't do that to my parents, so I stayed away from them, and It stayed away from me. For maybe a year. I really, almost, completely forgot about the stuff that had happened, so when I started getting sick again, I didn't immediately jump to the conclusion that it was because that Thing was close by. It wasn't until it actually appeared that I realized what was going on, and by then it was far, far too late. We had our most violent confrontation to date right there in my tiny little apartment in California. It grabbed me, with what seemed like a billion arms, and no matter how much I struggled it honestly did absolutely no good. I swung and screamed and bit and tore the thing with my nails. I guess, finally, something landed, because whatever it was using to hold me seemed to retract, and there was this terrible screaming around me. I could suddenly see again, where everything had been black before. I stumbled away from It and hit something, which shoved me onto my face on the sidewalk. Then, suddenly, that awful screaming again, and I was somewhere else. Far, far away from where I had been, apparently. I turned and bolted as fast as I could away from the Thing right as it did the screaming thing again, but I just kept on and it didn't seem to be chasing me anymore, or at least that didn't happen again. I remember those little branches that hang down low from trees hitting me in the face, but I didn't really feel them until I was far away. Until I had reached a road, and collapsed in exhaustion, coughing terribly and feeling like I was about to die. I stayed there for a long while, trying desperately to calm my breathing, only to jump and bolt several yards down the road at every little sound. It took me a while to reach anything like that, and when I did I was so exhausted and upset and sick that I was convinced I was hallucinating. Especially when they told me that I was in North Dakota. That took the longest to grasp. I had always suspected that the Thing was supernatural in nature (obviously), but it just seemed too fantastical to be real. And, after, I had accepted it, it was too big to just ignore like the other things It had done. I was sick, I was tired, and I was getting violently ill, but I decided that I had not know what it was. I turned to the internet, and soon I found dozens--maybe even hundreds--of other people that were going through the same thing, or worse. And if these are just the ones that are posting their experiences online, how many more can be suffering in silence like I was, thinking they were alone? I'm making this blog for the people that think they're alone, in hopes that someday they manage to find this. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to actually update the blog, because I'm really not sure exactly what I'm going to do at this point in terms of my living situation, but my inbox is always open. You can contact me at whenyoureunwanted@gmail.com or add me as m.ship on Skype. I'll get back to anyone who sounds remotely serious.
When I was young I called him the Tall Man. People say he doesn't have a face, it always seems kind of fuzzy in my memory. He wears a suit. He's everywhere. Please. Even if it's just to talk, I just need to speak to someone who's going through the same thing so I know I'm not totally out of my mind.
So, I guess I should probably get on with making an intro post here. I'm not really sure if anyone's going to read this, and most of you probably won't think that there's any way it could be real, but I sincerely hope that some of you can come into this with an open mind. I think, if I could just change one person's life with what I'm doing here, I'll be really happy. With that being said, I'll move on to why I'm dong this, and why it's being done now.
Since I was young I've been seeing this thing. It's not really a person, actually, I don't know what it is, but it's there. Everywhere. I honestly can't remember the exact time it started, because in the beginning, I would only see it occasionally, in pictures or out of the corner of my eye. But soon it started appearing more and more frequently, more and more boldly in my life. Up until I was seventeen, probably, it wasn't really much more than a creepy nuisance. I learned to live with it, that is. I mean, half the time I just assumed I was hallucinating, so I never told anyone. Then, things changed. It got violent. At first, it was just little things. I'd wake up with these ridiculous headaches, and It would be standing over me. Unexplained wounds soon started appearing on my body, and I had this really terrible suspicion that it was bleeding me for some incredibly fucking disturbing purpose. I started getting sick, which I had this terrible feeling It was responsible for, as well. I endured for a year or more in silence, until it got so bad that I had to tell my parents. They didn't believe me, then. But soon, they started seeing It too, and soon, it started hurting them. So, one day, I got in my car and drove away. I haven't stopped driving, save for small breaks, since.
Running helped, a lot. I managed to settle down after a few years of doing so, and restarted my life. . I settled down in this place called Escondido in California and hoped that maybe the Thing, whatever it was, would just be gone. I didn't know if my parents were still looking for me or not, but I decided not to contact them. All I kept imagining was that thing coming back to hurt them, and I couldn't do that to my parents, so I stayed away from them, and It stayed away from me. For maybe a year. I really, almost, completely forgot about the stuff that had happened, so when I started getting sick again, I didn't immediately jump to the conclusion that it was because that Thing was close by. It wasn't until it actually appeared that I realized what was going on, and by then it was far, far too late. We had our most violent confrontation to date right there in my tiny little apartment in California. It grabbed me, with what seemed like a billion arms, and no matter how much I struggled it honestly did absolutely no good. I swung and screamed and bit and tore the thing with my nails. I guess, finally, something landed, because whatever it was using to hold me seemed to retract, and there was this terrible screaming around me. I could suddenly see again, where everything had been black before. I stumbled away from It and hit something, which shoved me onto my face on the sidewalk. Then, suddenly, that awful screaming again, and I was somewhere else. Far, far away from where I had been, apparently. I turned and bolted as fast as I could away from the Thing right as it did the screaming thing again, but I just kept on and it didn't seem to be chasing me anymore, or at least that didn't happen again. I remember those little branches that hang down low from trees hitting me in the face, but I didn't really feel them until I was far away. Until I had reached a road, and collapsed in exhaustion, coughing terribly and feeling like I was about to die. I stayed there for a long while, trying desperately to calm my breathing, only to jump and bolt several yards down the road at every little sound. It took me a while to reach anything like that, and when I did I was so exhausted and upset and sick that I was convinced I was hallucinating. Especially when they told me that I was in North Dakota. That took the longest to grasp. I had always suspected that the Thing was supernatural in nature (obviously), but it just seemed too fantastical to be real. And, after, I had accepted it, it was too big to just ignore like the other things It had done. I was sick, I was tired, and I was getting violently ill, but I decided that I had not know what it was. I turned to the internet, and soon I found dozens--maybe even hundreds--of other people that were going through the same thing, or worse. And if these are just the ones that are posting their experiences online, how many more can be suffering in silence like I was, thinking they were alone? I'm making this blog for the people that think they're alone, in hopes that someday they manage to find this. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to actually update the blog, because I'm really not sure exactly what I'm going to do at this point in terms of my living situation, but my inbox is always open. You can contact me at whenyoureunwanted@gmail.com or add me as m.ship on Skype. I'll get back to anyone who sounds remotely serious.
When I was young I called him the Tall Man. People say he doesn't have a face, it always seems kind of fuzzy in my memory. He wears a suit. He's everywhere. Please. Even if it's just to talk, I just need to speak to someone who's going through the same thing so I know I'm not totally out of my mind.
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